Inspiration in the form of a plush rhino

Things that piss me off, part I

I am a rather laid-back, easygoing person. I go with the flow, take things as they come, and just try to enjoy life without stressing over mundane, unimportant crap. This is why I cannot fathom bothering to make room in my head for things like birthdays, anniversaries, and other important dates of note. (Not really--I just have a sucky memory, and that coupled with my lack of effort to keep dates noted in my brain means I don't remember shit. On the other hand, I don't expect anyone else to, either.)

I was not always this way.

We can credit a guy I dated a few summers ago with loosening me up. You see, all the while I thought that he was banging my brains out. In actuality, he was banging some sense into my head.

Or maybe it was the fact that we'd do things like call in sick to work and spend the day gallavanting around the Greenbelt and generally enjoying life and rolling with the punches. And going to concerts I'd never have thought of--and sneaking into them so we didn't have to pay. Regardless, thanks to the summertime date, because I like myself a whole lot better now.

The whole point of this is that I'm laid back, you see?

And I don't waste energy being mad, because my God, what does that accomplish?

Oh yeah--it fuels bitter, sardonic rants that make people laugh. Unfortunately, friends, it still doesn't happen often. Fortunately, when it does, I am always Completely Justified in my anger, and I get to amuse people when I finally start to vent about it.

There are truely very, very few things you can do to actually ANGER me. Irritating me is another story--you can breathe in an offensive manner and irritate me, for God's sake. But actually making me mad? Oh, my friend, you are in TROUBLE.

One of the things that will most quickly piss me off? Blowing me off for a significant other.

Now, I am not the bitter single 30 year old woman who is ticked because she's sitting at home with her cats on a Saturday night whilst all of her friends are out with their boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, whatever. No. I don't even like cats, to be honest--I prefer dogs. Plus, I like being single, so I don't really care if you have a boyfriend or not. Really.

But dude? If you blow me off For a Solid Month, do not expect me to be cheery and grateful when you finally descend from your throne of idiocy and self-absorption and deign to speak to me again.

Because, you see, when your boyfriend dumps your ass and you want someone to bring over a bottle of wine and tell you how much better you can do and how lucky he was, it's not going to be me.

I understand and fully support the notion of Couple Time. I do. Everyone needs one-on-one time with their significant other. However, trust me when I say that I've seen what happens when you go overboard with it. It's not pretty.

The friends you had pre-coupledom have moved on. They have boyfriends now. They've made the circle a little bit tighter to compensate for your perennial absence since your tongue was permanently lodged down the Significant Other's throat. Or maybe they just replaced you. They don't have time for you. Things have happend in their lives that you know nothing about because you never returned calls, and you cancelled plans at the last minute. Eventually, they stopped trying to hang out with you, and you didn't notice because you had the Significant Other to occupy your every waking moment.

So, don't blow off your friends. If you had plans with them, tell the Significant Other that you'll have to see him another night. Do not invite Significant Other along for the outing unless you run it by your friend first. And if your friend says "Well, I'd rather it just be us", listen to the, value their opinion, and act accordingly.

Friend is a four letter word.

posted by K @ 9:25 AM