Inspiration in the form of a plush rhino

You Know You're in Austin When...

You Know You're In Austin When...*

* Bold, red lines denote something that should invoke hysterical laughter and the statement "Ohmigod, that's soooooo true." John, enjoy.

• Your co-worker tells you they have 8 body piercings, but none are visible.
• You make over $100,000 and still can't afford a house
• You never bother looking at the Capitol Metro schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it
• You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor
• You have a very strong opinion on where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian
• A really great parking space can move you to tears
• You know that anyone wearing pants in November is just visiting from Ohio
• Your child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named "Breeze." And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female
• You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational Mandarin, or one on buliding your own web site
• You haven't been to Hippie Hollow since the first month you moved to Austin
• A man walks by on The Drag in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps... you don't notice.
• A woman walks by on The Drag with live poultry... you dont' notice
• You think that any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the Midwest
• You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist
• You keep a list of companies to boycott
• Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag.
• You occasionally see a guy on a unicycle whiz by you in your car and you say to yourself "Oh yeah, it's that guy again..."
• You start to worry when you dont' see the cross-dressing, bearded guy in-a-tutu-and-a-bikini-top-who-has-made-a-statement-with-his-grocery-cart-and-cardboard-box-art/shelter on your way to work in the morning. Scarier yet, you know his name is actually Leslie.
• You'll make dinner or bar plans around who's got the best margaritas
• You have a tough time picking one of Austin's 8 24-hour restaurants
• You complain about the prices but still shop at Central Market for the scene
• You dont' even think about getting good seats to the Longhorn football games
• You know the exact locations of three towing yards
• Your summer shoes are your Birks and your winter shoes are your Birks with socks
• Your entire wardrobe consists of: a black tank top, a GAP white tshirt, secondhand Levis, secondhand cutoff Levis, overalls, Longhorn sweats, anything polyester from the 70s, a bikini, Tevas, Birkenstocks, and running shoes
• Dressing up to go out for a woman means throwing a tank top on over the sports bra you've had on all day because it's so DAMN HOT.
• You find yourself wondering why magazine editors insist that swimsuit season starts on Memorial Day when it's really the end of February, or at the lateset the beginning of March
• You consider chips, salsa, Kerbey Queso, and Shiner Bock a well balanced meal
• You find yourself making beaded necklasces to give away as Christmas gifts
• 100 degrees for 3 straight months isn't unreasonable, 110 degrees is. And 90 degrees anywhere between May and September seems a little chilly
• You figure skin cancer is inevitable because it's so DAMN HOT even your sunscreen won't stay on
• When you go out, you make sure you've grabbed your water bottle before checking to see if you've got your wallet and keys
• You don't mind parking a mile away as long as it's in the shade
• (Girls) You ask yourself constantly if that's a cute guy or a butch girl. And you don't really care either way, because it's fun to wonder
• You'd rather ride your bike than get in a car without a/c. At least on your bike, you're guaranteed a breeze regardless of traffic
• Your professor decides in the middle of the Government lecture that now's as good of at ime as ever to tell his class of 500 he's gay. Like you didn't know. Like you even care.

posted by K @ 4:42 PM