Inspiration in the form of a plush rhino

Charisma coming out of my ass.

This is what was said to me today. A group of my co-workers and I were headed to a lunch event, and as only 5 girls in a car can do, we were talking.

A lot.

After one set of commentary from me, one of my co-workers laughed and said "Kelly, you have charmisa coming out of your ass."

This amuses me to no end, because the truth is that I am painfully shy. It takes me forever and a day to be comfortable enough around people to let my true personality shine through... of course, since I more than make up for the initial lack of personality, they may wish that I remained painfully shy forever.

Whatever.

I think that perhaps the best compliment you can give me is to tell me that I have enough personality for two people. I spent a large part of my life being the quiet one in the background.

Well, I still tend to hang out in the background, and only contribute when a) I feel like it, b) I'm drunk, c) someone is being a dumbass and needs to be called on it, or d) the moon is in line with Saturn and there's a high tide.

Right.

One thing that all females, regardless of how un-female they may act most of the time, will do is talk about other females.

None of us can get past this. The best part is when you're discussing another female that you already don't like for something that is entirely out of her control. Case in point: during the lunch event today, we were lounging around a table, glasses of wine in hand (yes, at 11:30 AM. Screw you all). In walked a group from a rival agency... one that I inherently do not like because a) they made me interview with 6 people and then take a 500 question personality test (fucking come on), and b) they are elitist pricks who think they are better than everyone else.

Oooh, guess what guys--you suck.

At any rate, this group walks in. I'm sure they were all very nice, but they already had one strike against them. The choice of outfit knocked one member completely out of the ballpark.

People, you do not pair stripes with stripes. If you are female, and you do this, and other females see you, they will laugh and subtley point at you, and then they will laugh more, and they will bring it up at 4:30 PM when everyone is back at the office and in a sleepy wine-induced stupor.

You see, females cannot resist commenting on other females. The truth is that a girl is far more likely to notice my flaw of the moment than any guy. Well, any straight guy. Women spend so much time worrying about their appearance for the sake of guys, when the truth is that the guy is going to miss 98% of what she thinks is wrong with the way she looks.

However, her female counterparts will notice, file what they've noticed in their memories, and then pit your flaws against theirs to make themselves feel better. I'm not entirely sure why this happens--are we that desperate?

I'm not entirely sure.

But come on--friends don't let friends pair stripes with stripes.

Oh, and platform sandals went out after you turned 18. Which was at least 15 years ago.

posted by K @ 7:58 PM