Inspiration in the form of a plush rhino

Obliterated, party of one.

I got wasted last night.

Well, wasted is probably insufficient in terms of description.

I almost died last night, I think.

It started out innocently--I went over to Jenn's with a slice of cake and a bottle of Pinot Grigio, intending to have a glass of wine and watch Sex & the City.

Then it started going downhill.

I drank the entire bottle of wine. Jenn drank 3/4 of a bottle of her own wine. We ate the cake. We watched Sex & the City. We (me) decided that we needed more wine, so we trooped down the street to Wal Mart. We ended up leaving with a bottle of champagne. We drank the champagne by the pool in approximately 30 minutes--by this point, we'd been joined by a third person.

Then Jenn got a call from a friend of hers who was at one of Dallas' most hoity-toity restaurants. He used to work there, and he told us to come up there.

So we did.

And we had 2 or 3 more glasses of (very expensive, very free) wine. And then we went to a bar, and we had a drink.

And somewhere between the restaurant and the bar, I ended up kissing this guy (very briefly) in his car. He, I have to say, was a fantastic kisser. Total lip slut, but I'm not complaining. No numbers were exchanged, thank God, so it can remain a product of being drunk and being young and stupid.

I drove home (Oh my God, the stupidest thing I have EVER EVER EVER done), and passed out. And then I woke up at 3:30 AM because my phone was ringing and someone was pounding on the door--Jenn had left her keys in my car, and she was over to pick them up. I was not wearing pants (not sure why this is relevant), so I had to hide behind the door, hand her my car keys, and then crawl back into bed when she returned them.

I woke up at 7:40 AM--I'm absolutely shocked that I woke up--still drunk. I pulled my hair into a ponytail, grabbed the first clean clothes I found, and called Jenn. She answered with a "mmph", and then said she was considering calling in sick. I picked her up, drove us to work, picked up Whataburger, ate it, and have since been sitting at my desk. I'm still slightly drunk.

Oh.

My.

God.

Never, ever again. Never. I don't want to even LOOK at alcohol for at least two weeks. I don't want to smell it. I never want to drink pinot grigio again. I never want to drink champagne again. I never want to make out in a parking lot aga--well, scratch that one.

I woke up with a headache from the night before
'cause sometimes I drink
I spent the night with my head in a toilet bowl
that's where I like to think

posted by K @ 8:17 AM