The one where they molested the banana.
Two of my girlfriends (platonic here, stop fantasizing) and I had an impromptu girls' night in this evening. Those kind are the best, and they usually result in the best stories.
It started with a chorus of "I want Pei Wei." "I want Pei Wei." "I want Pei Wei, too." Pei Wei just opened a store about four blocks from where we live, and we've been driving past it for two months and waiting for the "Open" sign to light up and invite us in. It opened this week, and we decided to walk over for dinner this evening.
Over fried rice, kung pao chicken, and honey seared shrimp, talk turned to sex and guys, helped along the way by our fortune cookies--which had us doing everything from sleeping our way up the corporate ladder to preparing today for what would happen tomorrow (in bed). Apparently I need to stretch tonight.
The three of us have somehow, along the way, become comfortable enough to discuss sex in sometimes graphic detail. It's our version of Sex & the City, 10 years younger and in Dallas instead of New York.
Well, and none of us are quite that obsessed with shoes, as far as I know.
Over dinner, one of my friends mentioned that she was in need of pointers for ways to transition from making out to...well. Making a face like a donut, if you will. In addition, she needed to know what to do with her hands before and during the act.
I'm not sure why, but she immediately looked at me and said "Will you teach me???"
Somehow, I became the "experienced" one of the group. My numbers, while low, have apparently achieved me a high level of expertise. I'm not sure that I agree, but I can share the knowledge that I have.
After another slightly embarassing moment wherein the word "fornicate" was used while a Pei Wei employee walked by, we packed up our leftovers and began the walk home.
When we got there, my friend ran to her apartment and returned with a banana.That poor banana.
She arranged the banana so that it was, um, erect. If you will. Then, she said "OK, teach me!"
And then I spent the next ten minutes using a yellow prop to explain various ways in which to pleasure a guy. The only way it would've been better was if we'd used the strawberry condom laying on the kitchen table (which we're all horrified by, because who wants to smell lube mixed with strawberries mixed with... that?), but that was a little bit too literal for my taste.
The banana looked normal and pristine before. My friend (the one not participating in said lesson) picked it up afterward and said "Christ, you sure did a number on this thing!"
It's nights like this that make me love my life.
posted by K @ 7:36 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home